Abbott & Costello on Computers


You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read onÖ If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ďWhoís on First?Ē might have turned out something like this:


Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott


Abbott: Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

Costello: Thanks. Iím setting up an office in my den and Iím thinking about buying a computer.

Abbott: Mac?

Costello: No, the nameís Lou.

Abbott: Your computer?

Costello: I donít own a computer. I want to buy one.

Abbott: Mac?

Costello: I told you, my nameís Lou.

Abbott: What about Windows?

Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Costello: I donít know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

Abbott: Wallpaper.

Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

Abbott: Software for Windows?

Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

Abbott: Office.

Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

Abbott: I just did.

Costello: You just did what?

Abbott: Recommend something.

Costello: You recommended something?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: For my office?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

Abbott: Office.

Costello: Yes, for my office!

Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.

Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, letís just say Iím sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

Abbott: Word.

Costello: What word?

Abbott: Word in Office.

Costello: The only word in office is office.

Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: Which word in office for windows?

Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue ďWĒ.

Costello: Iím going to click your blue ďwĒ if you donít start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

Abbott: Money.

Costello: Thatís right. What do you have?

Abbott: Money.

Costello: I need money to track my money?

Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.

Costello: Whatís bundled with my computer?

Abbott: Money.

Costello: Money comes with my computer?

Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.

Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

Abbott: One copy.

Costello: Isnít it illegal to copy money?

Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

Costello: They gave you a license to copy money?

Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

Abbott: Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

Costello: How do I turn my computer off?

Abbott: Click on ďStartĒ